i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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