so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Text me some of your sweat
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
