eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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