Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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