Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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