God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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