your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
