She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
