dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
