I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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