Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
