Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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