Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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