No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
