3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
