Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
