how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
