I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
