Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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