You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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