shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
