It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This is my gift to your gina
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
