New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
