I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
