After last night, I could never be a politician.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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