you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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