Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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