I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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