Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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