Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
