I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You pole danced in your parka.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
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