All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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