I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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