see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
