My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Randomize
