My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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