its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
