ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
