So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
