i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
