I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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