just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My ass is underappreciated
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
