I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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