atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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