I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
