The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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