I am spending my child support on dildos
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
