you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
