smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
