I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
