from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
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