yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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