Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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