dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
