actually, I'm a sock model
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
