I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can't turn off my feet"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
last night I used snow as a chaser
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