she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
