So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Welp...herpes.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
