got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
