By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
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im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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