So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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