Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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