girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
