Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
