Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
