i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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