Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
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You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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