Kiss
Puke
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
