I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
