i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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