I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She told me I should be a condom model.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests š
I really regret not asking ālike a cupcakeā when you asked me to eat your ass
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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