My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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