tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
