Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
