i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
